I’ve been postponing this blog post for so long, but like with ADHD, the day before my first solo gallery exhibition, ideas come crashing over my head in waves, and I promise, this story is connected to all of it! (Yay, Liisa and her super long sentences…)
Sometime in mid-July, Victoria gave me full confirmation that we would indeed have the exhibition at her gallery (Victoria Olt gallery) and while my excitement shot through the cosmos (and now even higher??), the first question I asked myself was still: how am I going to create a proper routine with such a short deadline without burning myself out or going into overdrive? I tend to get my “spinning top” going so fast that it only gains more momentum. And this time, I didn’t want to make that mistake again. Because, after all, the theme of the exhibition is about fulfilling the needs of my inner child, and my inner child wants to take things easy. It should be fun. I want to look at all my works with curiosity and creativity, not stress. Because if I go into “fight-or-flight” mode, my creativity goes *click* and the rest of the free time will be spent hiding under a blanket in a cave. And there’s no time for that, so I needed to come up with a solid plan to keep my nervous system intact. And I did!
Even though I’ve designed my life in such a way that most of the activities around my work are enjoyable, my biggest problem is still task initiation. Especially transitioning from one task to another. For example, after eating, I should clean up, then set up my art supplies, but then I notice the floor is dirty, and I forgot to give the dog its medication… and suddenly, it feels like I’ll never get to painting, and I’d rather just sit in a beanbag and doom-scroll TikTok. My current trick (emphasis on *current*, because people with ADHD constantly need to change their systems and tricks to keep things exciting) is listening to perfume reviews on YouTube! It’s sweet and pleasant enough to listen to, gives me dopamine, but I don’t have to focus too hard. Some people listen to murder podcasts – to each their own. And since just sitting and listening is boring, my hands start working on their own. It gives my brain a sense of “body doubling”, as if someone is “sitting” in the room with me, and I get my things done. Slowly, inspiration starts flowing, and my hands itch to put the canvas up on the wall and get to work. Once I start painting, there’s no stopping me!
I also tell my clients that if shaming oneself worked, it would have worked a long time ago. Instead, you have to constantly trick your dopamine-deprived brain with little dopamine-boosting activities and curiosity to get the day going. That doesn’t mean I was able to paint every day non-stop. No, no. I’ve divided my time into inspiration-searching days, sketching days, canvas prep days, drafting days, etc. It takes time for a painting to be born without stress. You have to let the autistic side calmly analyze and process things thoroughly, and let ADHD catch up. And of course, there need to be plenty of moments when the brain can genuinely switch off. In the evenings, my brain stops spinning either by messing around in the forest with my motorbike or watching *Gossip Girl* from under my pile of dogs.
People often ask where my inspiration comes from. Inspiration comes from wherever it wants to come. It doesn’t like being searched for – then it gets shy and hides. It likes to come to me on its own. Without stress, without pressure. That’s why I’ve realized how important it is for me to create community and organize events. Neurospicy Hub, which was created nearly a year ago, has been a major source of inspiration: when you gather a bunch of neurodivergent people and give them art supplies… the ideas and aura just intoxicate my home, and my inner child learns to better understand its needs. It learns that it’s okay to be this quirky person with a million ideas. And then inspiration just jumps into your lap!
I’m so happy that over this past year, and these past few months, I’ve created the entire “Black Sheep” series. A series that was born thanks to the neurodivergent community around me, and thanks to the fact that I finally got those damn diagnoses!
See you tomorrow (friday) at 6 PM at Victoria Olt Gallery!
Dopamine tricks and exhibition prep